“Prego” is your welcome.

It’s really heavy rain. Think it’s also to do with the mountains around us.

We are on the same train as yesterday, this time just to the right destination. Our tickets have been checked.

Listening to the Blossoms also makes me think of livie. I wish she could be here. She would love it. Next time.

C looks really cool in her dungarees. I think she would look cool in a paper bag if I’m honest.

So glad my dad read me the Paper Bag Princess as a kid- been taught to be a strong women from a young age. Need to read that again.

I’m thinking about what it would be like if you analysed this as you do a text in higher English.

New York by St. Vincent also makes me think of Dad and I. Especially when we were singing it together, glass of wine in hand at his birthday.

Trains stopped. It’s okay though. Just a bit rubbish it’s not stopped with a view.

Google translates great to be able to speak to air b&b hosts. I like it when they type in their own language.

Hands up a default in photos.

Just slipped on my bottom on the same spot I’ve told people to watch. I’ve slipped every darn time.

Not seen Mildred and C in a bit. Go and swim to see they are okay. They are exploring.

Biscuits taste better melted by the sun.

Missed the train. So went to go get a ring I wanted. Felt like a sign.

Italian water very salty.

Can’t find bug spray. Very annoying. Think I’ve been bitten on my face. That or a spot.

Searching for I’s apartment to have some risotto and aperol. Walk through what feels like a dodgy tunnel. Wearing my favourite new jumpsuit.

I pours the aperol. I size servings. What a girl.

My cooking dipmloma bites me in the bottom and I’m left to chop the peppers.

I actually don’t mind. Love cooking. I totally took control let’s be honest. Mildred the best sous chef. Dream team. Aperol and goggles are make cooking the onion easier. Italian onions are stingy. Despite limited resources, Mildred and I serve up a cracking garlic mushroom, red pepper and Parmesan risotto. We use up R and Is spinach. Why are spinach bags always so big.

We keep forgetting we are here for a month. It’s like day 4 or something. We’ve been so go go go.

This has been my favourite night so far. Cooking. Chatting. Drinks are flowing.

You really get the feel of the place staying in an Italian house. This is why I like air b&b.

Others need sprite for the €1 wine. I quite like it on its own.

We all have different opinion on things but are really respectful- it’s lovely.

Favourite night so far. Sad to leave I and R but very glad to have met R.

I thought I walked fast. Mildred and C walk VERY fast back to the apartment.

Train to Verona at 8am tomorrow woo.

We are so tired we are trying to walk into any building possible in the hope it’s an air b&b. Still managing to have normal and surprising intellectual converstations.

I even get the lift and that shows how tired I am.

I keep saying ‘my dear.’

Confused why our wash stopped. It as the key card was taken out, the electricity stops. Italy is so good with these environmental hacks and I love it.

Not wearing make up makes going to bed so much easier.

The washing machine sounds like it’s about to take off.

Mildred joins us in bed to tell us about the love island highlights and ends out little La Spezia night time routine.

We go and hang the washing outside its 00:40. Remember it’s meant to rain tomorrow. Ffs. Washing inside. Using chairs as a close horse.

Jameela Jamil has a really good viewpoint on make up and photoshop.

Night.

Morning- note to self : don’t scratch bites and stay up late reading articles about phoebe waller bridge so you only get 3 hours sleep.

Italian tickets machines very slow. Massive queue. Looked around a bit.

So reflection. Just because the ticket said 10:15 doesn’t mean the train leaves them. Look at the board and destination first.

Met a really interesting women on the train with her son. She lives in California- a place I would love to live for a bit having visited. She’s very chilled and that’s exactly why I want to go.

She’s been horse riding in Italy. She loves horses. She’s even wearing a horse top. This is why trains and travelling is good.

The gasp we give when we see the ocean actually makes other people on the train laugh. It’s as if we have never seen water before. After the day of travelling I am sooo excited though.

Glad we are going a few stops further. Seems less touristy.

The lovely people we met ask about Brexit.

P6 rock climbing club is helping me out big time getting our rocky beach spot.

This sea air is the best hair dryer in the world.

Hang washing out on our balcony- chores are tres chic here. Drop M’s sock off he balcony. Shit. A present for the construction workers.

Can’t find bikini bottoms. Find bikini bottom.

Mildred has set about 163928 alarms. So we are definitely up.

Mildred excited to hide her grease with the beach waves. Hope C is too.

Mildred fills us in on live island chat. There is a slide in to dm challenge. Not sure how I feel about love island but the fact they actually slide down a slide makes me lol.

Not sure why you would want to put yourself through that.

Been bitten. I knew it.

Can’t leave any plugs on fear. They don’t have switches here so hank the whole thing out.

Don’t feel like I have to walk with my bag on my front here- bonus.

Vamos a la playa. Chill day please.

Going to wait till I’m absolutely sizzling and hop in the ocean.

€10 for 5 L of wine in this supermarket.

How fun are forgeinsupermarkets!

Pictures on packaging are useful . Was about to eat raw peppper for lunch. I am craving fresh veg.

Loopy supermarket.

Tampons are expensive everyone- it annoys me.

You don’t appreciate stuff like that till you buy it yourself.

Contactless is everywhere- uselful. We are holding up people.

In Italy you do press the buttons to cross big roads.

Levanto. 9:55. Train queue huge. Tren Italia- the national line.

Should have got that floaty m&s dress- mums always right. Packed too light I’m thinking. Doesn’t really matter though.

Pay all tickets together – easieR

“WAIT UNTIL ITS VALIDATED”- a very stressed group of Americans at the station. To be fair I have no clue how you validate it either. Probably is quite stressful.

I and R seem to know. Going with the flow with them for getting us to the coast.

Update: American got their tickets validated.

Will never forget to VALIDATE IT. Actually is quite tricky. Well not really if you read the instructions and have M to show me what to do.

Keeping reminding myself it is okay to be happy and enjoying myself – that is not something to worry about. Classic. On a train. I keep chatting as don’t want to keep my thoughts to consume me.

Ahahah just forgot I also thought M’s dress had shrunk in the washing machine- turns out she’s just lovely and petite. It was a top on me.

Can’t wait to be absorbed in a book. Currently ready sally Rooney. Either can M.

Only 18 mins to the place we are going. Can’t remember the name right now.

You just can’t live your life in fear and I’m so glad I’m getting better at that as I love exploring.

Again, I’m purposefully putting my phone on airplane mode so I’m either in the moment with my friends or getting my thoughts out my head. Uninfluenced by anything else.

The train plays a full scale as it leaves each station.

Right.

so we are on the wrong train. This is also why you travel with other people who are smart and notice this. Getting off at next stop. We will get the beach eventually. Good thing we started early.

We have literally gone in the complete opposite direction ahahah. We go again. I bursting for a pee and was gonna wait. Regrets. There is one on the train. Should have gone.

Train tickets active 75 mins after VALIDATION. So we are all good.

Find toilet. The one time I actually can pee ffs. It’s the men’s. We’re peeing fast. Run back. Hope they haven’t left. Not a clue how to get back. Wrong platform. Can’t see them.

Right next train back to le Spezia isn’t until 2. It’s 10:45. We are still determined to find a beach.

Shit the trains due at 10:45. We run. We don’t need to run. It’s not here.

We are at Ally Lungiana right now and can safely say not coming back.

Not just ScotRail who have delayed trains.

Got my bikini on and it’s bursting to come out. Could always sunbathe on the platform. Worst come to worse.

Announcement says train is arriving. It’s just not though.

This train looks a bit more legit as pointed out by R. Not sure what the right tickets.

I’s wearing her mums beach top as a dress. It’s so nice.

The place we are going sounds like siracha. Siranza.

Going back through the Hollywood hills of Italy.

Sitting on the platform and read out books. 40 mins till the next train.

Concrete beach. I literally have taken my top off.

We are in a weird mood.

I burp a lot.

Having a glass of wine of on the balcony. Let’s celebrate coz we are class.

We are going for pizza !

Off to be in the moment now I feel good. Chow. Oh shit no that’s not bye.

Yellow is my favour colour. Mildreds is blue. This place is perfect for us. Yellow buildings again the blue sky.

Glass of wine on balcony.

Love the werid convos we have.

I think C’s hair is nicest natural.

Everyone is actually tired and weird. C making seagul noises for absolutely no reason. Funny.

Off to see I. Yay.

So I said I wouldn’t post in Italy but I lied. I need to for me.

I’m just going to have a moment. C and Mildred are really understanding. I just need to be on my own.

I need a time out and at this moment finding it all really overwhelming.

I’m siting in my towel on the balcony which 10 minutes ago I found beautiful but now I don’t and that’s okay. I need to vent this out and let myself feel for a bit. Someone extremely close to my heart just told me to do what I need to do to make myself happy and writing this on the balcony is it. I’ll then feel better and can go enjoy the town I know is beautiful, just not at the moment. It’s okay to have a time out.

I don’t care if this old man sees me in my towel right now.

The sun feels nice on my back

I am now calming down my breathes and realise I didn’t bring sunglasses and am squinting very hard.

Hopefully my mood will pick up later.

Could also just be tired and the shitty diet but I think you know what I might just be a bit sad at the moment and thats okay because I know how to deal with it.

Brushing my hair in the sun feels nice. The yellow is annoying me a bit now. I have bogeys running down my nose.

I keep breathing and feel calmer again.

Self care folks. This happens. You can still

Enjoy travelling. Mental health is wealth so give yourself the 10 mins to be sad and then do what makes you happy. I think mine is writing this at the moment.

My hair smells nice. And now I notice the hills between the yellow buildings and it’s all really nice again. I am actually happy again. I’ve never actually let myself feel so much. Had a good cry in the shower and now boom I’m back and can be fun Erin that Cathrine and Millie like. And more importantly the person I like.

And just like that, my panick attack is over and I’m all good again.

You can’t be happy all the time, that would be redic.

Aussie hair shampoo is nice.

I would like a glass of wine on the balcony. I’ve remembered I’m not alone now because of a message someone sent me. Talking helps me. Going to drink water.

C and Mildred tell me not apologise. I hope they are okay with all this.

Clean underwear feels so nice.

I am so hungry.

Please don’t be scared of people with mental health issues!!!

This is not my life by the way. A very small part of it. And I want it to get even smaller so that’s why I’m writing and hoping others realise it’s okay too.

Cannot wait for pizza and to have good girls chat. Not about mental health. Think I’m going to post this now. Part of my therapy and feels right.

Feel really scared to see the reaction.

No one will care about it by August.

Speak to Mildred and C about it.

I’ll attract the people who I want if I’m honest / me.

C and Mildred are so down to earth it helps

I feel like crying

Way of making myself feel better: I only want to post them / write them to make people laugh or realise they are not alone.

Believe that erin.

Going to post my playlist I listen to when my headphones are charged. Good tuuuunes. Make the playlist long enough you don’t get bored but not not so long you can’t make connections to places with the songs you listen to while travelling.

I would like a home cook meal and wine. Italy Totally different atmosphere to Paris.

Being deep all the time is tiring as fuck. Don’t think I could travel along because of that. People bring out the best in me.

feel quite vulnerable right now

Going to read. Done thinking.

Photos make me happy.

Italian train instructor lovely. We could have been charged €50 (if he followed the rules) if we don’t fill in the travel day tickets. We really didn’t know how important it was. Do it. Probably should have read up more before we came. The amount of tunnels are quite annoying. I wanna see things.

Genova airport different stop to Genova. I obvs got up early coz why I there more than one Genova station??

lists are class

C just said she can’t wait to wash her hair !!!! Traveling changes people.

C can’t laugh at her own jokes. I live for laughing at mine.

Lol how I said I would stop writing. It’s been about 20 mins.

Mildred get an average of 4-6 slices of toast a day.

Mildred just forgot my name.

There is a lot of Genova stations with Genova in. It’s the next one.

Smooth transition to the next train. We obviously looked lost or at least tourists. A kind Italian man who spoke no English and I chatted through hand signals. He wrote us a list of beautiful beaches. We finally knew what he was saying by the universal breaststroke signal. He taught us grazie (thank you) and your welcome but I’ve forgot that. What a nice man! Chow chow.

If it’s rainy we can move somewhere sunny. It’s nice to speak to the locals.

C – “nothing looks good about Malaga”

Remember brownies? Like when they made you bring 20p, a pen, and string. I feel that would be beneficial rn.

C rememberers the brownie promise verbatim. I don’t. Rubbish brownie.

We don’t know if you can go to the loo or not when train is stationary.

C’s hefty plait is still in my hair. Maybe I’m just as minging as her.

Italian train doors are lethal.

Remember how hard it was to choose the colour of your club penguin.

Learnt that when your a baby your umbilical cord just sticks on your for a bit. Kind of disgusting. Your shape of your belly button depend on how your umbilical cord is cut? Italy is bringing out some weird chat.

The family next to us are English. Hope they also feel enlightened.

Stainzo the painzo. Leather getting on my teather. Stringer the minger.

Toilets are pretty grim. Hard to squat on a moving train but I don’t want to sit on the seat. I have new found respect for boys aim. The lock doesn’t work but C and I go together. She obviously has to wait ages for me as I can’t pee.

I aggressively push a button which I think is the tap. It’s not. I’m not paying attention. It’s soap.Even the soap looks like sludge. Hand sanitizer strikes again.

I’m about to turn into a fake prince biscuit. Just want a salad to be honest. Feel I’d be healthier abroad.

Reflection. I’m abroad and buying beers and biscuits.

C’s woke me up and she has a bite on her lip. I knew I put bite cream on the toiletry list for a reason! Update:

Oh ffs, we didn’t buy any.

Got antihistamines though. Should help with swelling.

Life’s short, wear your favourite dress or outifit or whatever it is makes you feel good.

C and I have a really good collection of photos of Millie sleeping on a train. She’s got a smile right now when she sleeps. So cute. She’s woken up now and she’s looks like she’s giving us the finger with her eyes which is totally fair.

Italy is really hilly and beaut. The train would be a lot better if there was less tunnels.

If trains are cheap in the country. Don’t use your interail pass.

I just asked if the baths in budapest are germy. C said no there in Budapest. Thought I said Germany. Big lol. Think you’d have to be there on reflection.

20 min naps are refreshing.

STILL ON A TRAIN. Good thing I like them.

Realise I’ve been feeling alone when I’m so obviously not.

Cba getting into a big thought cycles so going to nap/ really really focus on scenery.

Mildred says we are here and we are just so not.

Ah we are passing through a national park- cinque terre national park. Never think of national parks being on the coast

Mildred just reminded us we set of at 6pm yesterday. Wow. Does not feel like that.

WE JUST WANT TO SWIM AND PUT ON A BIKINI. Cold water.

Omg I did a clap dance as a talent show in S1 with a group of girls. We did a dress rehearsal at mine the night before the show. I really was a perfectionist.

Nails feel gross.

We keep getting asked for directions. What illusion are we giving off? It’s nice though.

3 journeys in a travel day we’ve done.

Only 7 travel days left and we leave on the 27th. It will work out. Need to use public transport.

Realise how many friendships at uni are based on drunk times.”I don’t really know, only speak when drunk’

Confidently shouted chow as thank you.only C can carry the food bag. We check we have that more than passports.

Starting to think some of Mildred’s stories are lies but she’s saying them with confidence so I believe her.

We are surrounded my green hills and sun. Hope the sun cream from 2 days ago is still protecting me. They have a red Orange and green men for crossing the road here. Can’t all fit in the lift to the apartment. I happily take the stairs.

Julia is lovely. Only thing she ask is to clean the dishes. So easy going.

Lovely room. Left us wine and fruit. Ideal.

We can’t swim straight away. Need a bus or ferry or train to the beaches.

Recommend a good pizza restaurant. Grazi Julia.

Going to shower and feel free and then meet I. Can’t find normal bin. Lots of recycling- rate that. It’s earth day apparently so this is fitting.

We have a balcony ! Our Parisian dream has come. True. Opposite a happy hello building. Just don’t look down and you don’t see the construction work.

I just walked into the shutter.

It’s got a chic minimal vibe. Gonna shut the blinds though. You can really see the old man across the road.

Remember to drink water

M says my playlist is random

Bruises from tour not looking good in the photos. Need to stop being like bambi on ice. Especially after a drink.

Mildred ate a whole baguette yesterday. She must have been hungry on reflection

C’s cheese is sweaty looking. Confirmed. It tastes sweaty.

Need to pay to pee. So annoying. €0.80. Totally could pay it but the trains soon and it’s free.

This train station would be class for heelies. C wasn’t allowed them.

This isn’t the first time I’ve travelled, keep forgetting that.

So update it was just a guys bag. And he is standing right beside us now. Better safe than sorry.

It’s so easy to come to Paris.

Gonna save phone battery for sleeping outside the Station.

Mildred is warm blooded

C said she wouldn’t go to hull. I reminder her it was actually once the city of culture.

Bras annoying me.

Mildred had 6 pan au chocolates.

So we go to gate and station is sooo much nicer upstairs and airy. Could have avoided that whole drama. Oh well.

Train from Paris – Marseille

It’s really hot.

They don’t do coaches, even though the ticket says so. You just have to look for the seat number. Proud I figure this out and find what coach we are in.Not so proud I make Mildred and C move their bags as I then think we are in a different carriage. Turns out I cannot count from 90-100– even though I literally JUST did. Trust yo first instincts.

Mildred likes editing her photos. It relaxes her.

We think we may be in a quiet carriage or no one likes to speak as much as us. Mildred texts Catherine to shut up over our WhatsApp group.

The train makes a cool noise every time it makes an announcement, very groovy.

C and I are having an elbow wrestle for the arm rest- I let her win. Mildred looking tres chic sleeping with her sunglasses on.

Don’t speak to C if she has her headphones in.

If they have scanned your tickets at the Barrier- unlikely to be checked on train. Update: don’t know why I thought that. They did.

Charge your headphones. You’ll want them for the train to zone out. Make your Spotify playlist offline to save battery. Pick a good playlist.

Okay I’m tired now. Don’t know who I think wants these tips.

I put my sunglasses on right as we go through a tunnel, classic.

I feel quite randomly stressed and not sure why. Maybe what happened at the station but literally all I okay now. Take a deep breathe while listening to foundations Kate Nash. Also maybe I’m just a bit stressed that everything is going really really well at the moment. I randomly cry and I’m really happy I have sunglasses on as I’m not actually sad so don’t want to worry Mildred and C. Not that they would care, they are supportive and class.

My brain feels a lot calmer when I type this.

Hope others relate because it’s okay to feel like this. As I am learning everyday, it always gets better. Hoping I can look back on this when I’m sad and see that.

Really helps with my depersonalisation as well. When I feel I’ve forgotten who I am. Happens still way to often I realise. Feel present when I write. So glad I’ve found another free and fun form of therapy. I think I’m quite worried about what others think about me despite saying out loud I don’t care.

Also so aware how cheesy this is: extremely privileged girl, finds herself abroad. But finally I am after quite a rocky start. Think I’m only processing how bad it was now and just how good it is to feel happy.

C’s snapped me out my bubble and told me a funny story. Friends are great.

Can’t really hold back the tears right now, heck. When I show this to Mildred and C when they are free to read, they will understand.

I did send them both a message before we started travelling to tell them where I was at mentally, didn’t want to worry them if I just randomly cry. So I don’t need to stress.

Jackpot. We think we found a charger. Nope. It’s a bin.

Just felt really thankful I was able to find the toilet on the train. How silly but also wonderful. Before I would have even noticed as I’d be too wrapped up in my own bubble or probably not even be aware that I needed as I didn’t care about myself at all. To be fair, turns out I still cant pee under pressure. Progress is progress though, am I right.

Literally just went to go try pee with C and couldn’t. Going to wait till I’m desperate.

Fill in your travel card before you get on the train. The instructors are quite strict about this and probably rightly

So. The french man was nice though and said ‘as long as your sorry, it’s okay.’ People are nice. Keep the ticket to hand when you travel.

Marina and diamonds makes me happy. Can’t wait to see her in October. She writes beautiful lyrics.

These posts are a big confidence thing for me. Didn’t realise how much of an impact they would have and so early on. Interested to see how they will change throughout and in each different country.

I feel a bit guilty being so happy.

Need to let that go- why is my happiness any less important than someone else?

Thanks for letting me rabble if you are reading this.

I cry thinking about how nice some of what you have messaged me saying is. I am so lucky. Happy tears.

I feel when I’m happier I can help others more. Recovery is a longer process than I realised and that’s okay. Quite exciting that I didn’t realise you could get happier. And the realisation that my voice is actually valid. I wonder if you ever fully recover? I feel like I’m healing the more and more i write. So even if this blog is purely for me I’m okay if that. If anyone was unhappy with what I’m writing. I would just make it private.

I type all this on airplane mode so that my thoughts are not interrupted.

Realise I haven’t breathed while typing this. Can’t stress enough I’m only doing this because it feels right.

I know really appreciate what living in the moment is.

C and Mildred are such positive, strong women im a better person being around them.

Reflection is necessary for change and it’s scary and comes in different forms. This is a form which works for me though. Wish I’d figured it out earlier. Am a firm believer of everything happens for a reason now. And if my depression has brought me travelling with two really inspiring people and to explore new cultures, I’m super happy with that.

How on earth did I keep all these thoughts in my head !! No wonder I struggled to sleep and was a total stress pot!!!

Okay my thoughts are annoying me now I just want to sleep.

Don’t know if I’ll keep sharing all my thoughts but definitely going to keep writing them down. I want to keep posting these instantly as I’m scared I won’t do it otherwise. As I said, I’m impatient. I’m going to wait till it feels right and I’m more relaxed.

Realising why self love is actually important, not just saying it like I always used to.

Maybe I’m a lot more self aware than I thought?

Also eureka moment which I’m having and actually believe – what have I got to worry about?

Wow trains are a REALLY good place to be thoughtful.

Mildred just stood up and smacked her head of the luggage rack.

Watching her eat her salami out of a packet is making me chuckle. Wonder if she’ll eat the whole pack again. Honestly where does she put it. Told you she was impressive. The Salami actually looks disgusting.

Think I’m going to always be a bit anxious (pretty sure I’ve conquered the depression fully for the time being) but will learn to regulate it better and it’s okay to speak out about it. It doesn’t mean I’m not okay or going to get really ill again which is definitely my fear.

Mildred and C are really respectful if they did see me cry. I’m glad they didn’t say anything even if they did.

Right stopping now to save phone battery in case of an emergency on our night in the streets of Marseille.

One last thing actually, despite everything I just said I ate a bit of the salami and it was actually quite nice. Damn.

Oh and my headphones are really really noise cancelling. Not a clue what Mildred and C are saying right now. Just smiling at what they say. Not really sure they have noticed to be honest. Probably glad to have some peace from me.

C’s sleeping with her legs across me and Mildred also looks really peaceful opposite. She’s recovered from the head injury or had just been knocked out. TBC. I’m not tired.

Dad always said you need to put number 1 first and I always respected it but deep down thought it was selfish. I realise know it’s not. How can you look after others if you don’t look after yourself. Not even in a deep sense like I’ve been talking. If I keep wearing silly shoes, and get blisters, I’m not looking after C or Mildred as they have to slow down their sight seeing for me- and that’s so unfair. Sure they will get over it because they are good people but it’s so annoying let’s be honest. Life’s actually not as hard as I’ve been making it.

Keep making eye contact with the guy on the train opposite. Don’t know why but he seems interesting.

On reflection, it’s probably because I’ve been crying. Laughing and tapping along to music all within about 50 minutes.

Noise cancelling headphones are making my hand movements very expressive. Good practice for the next countries where I have absolutely fuck all knowledge of the language and it’s a bit embarrassing. I, who we are meeting is good at Italian and I’ve asked her for the key phrases. She’s also such a good egg. Can’t wait to see her.

I’m not as hungry when I write too which is nice- binge eating has been an issue for me in the past and if I’m honest throughout my first year in uni. It’s nice to feel healthy. I used a really good podcast by Kathryn Hansen who helped with my eating so much. She really simplifies the binge eating process. If you are struggling would 100% recommend as a place to start, depending on the severity of it of course.

Someone once told me that you always live with fluctuating mental health and I remember getting really angry as I was like ‘well no, I’m fully recovered’. But I kind of understand what she means now. It’s not that I’m unwell, I just need to learn to deal with it in a way that works for me. So actually maybe I don’t need to have bad mental at all, just need to really learn how to control it.

I feel I should say, I’ve had professional help from both a psychologist, psychiatrist, an unbelievably supportive guidance team from my former school who I am still in touch with. Want to tell you more about my guidance teachers but I’ll cry and I don’t want to cry again right now and conscious of respecting people boundaries on this. Got to think of others. I also have a really solid friend and family base who have all stood by me throughout bad times. I’m really lucky and I definitely didn’t get better alone- I wouldn’t have been able to.

This guy is still looking at me. Makes me wonder what my face looks like when I type.

This is going to be a REALLY long blog and I can’t stop writing I’m addicted.

In scared but excited to post this one. Want to keep the discussion about mental health going.

I’ve been wearing my sunglasses this whole time and it’s pitch black. No wonder this dude is staring.

Maybe I should put the glasses back on, the eye contact is now just really awkward.

Mildred just did the peace sign in her sleep. I know this she is sleep walking. She’s acting as if the train seat is a hostel bed.

Having different opinions from someone is fine, just be nice about it.

Keep using hand santizer to try and get the grease of crisps of my hands. I really just need to get off my arse and wash them in the bathroom.

We thought we were stopping but train wasn’t due to get to Marseille till later. C checks the maps on her phone and we are right, we are not their yet. Thank god we didn’t get off.

C understood the train signals and I had not a clue what he was saying. She told me it was pretty obvious. The pupil really has become the master.

Don’t know why I am so hesitant to use my portable charger for the first time but it’s about to happen. Thanks N! And surprise surprise it works. Why did I think it wouldn’t.

Thought we were there again. Were not. Hard to tell when it’s dark. Use google maps to tell this. Also check the time your due to arrive on your ticket.

C’s using her finger to brush her teeth.

C thinks the paracetamol I got looks fancy. They are definitely the cheapest packet in boots.

Started brushing my teeth on the train. Cant be bothered going to the sink so I swallow it. I’m disgusting.

Mildred says she can’t wait to get off the train. C and I say this train is going to be nicer than camping outside the station. She agrees.

It’s dark and quite intimidating arriving to Marseille at this time. Going to see what’s it’s like. Maybe going to a bar may be a smart idea.

So annoyed at myself that this train isn’t overnight like we thought. At least we have each other.

The chiming before the announcement is now just annoying. Definitely tired.

So jealous of the houses at the side of the track.

Suddenly really really tired.

Mildred says this is like mr beans holiday. I ask which part. She says any.

All in all we rated that train journey- comfy and peaceful.

I haven’t felt this is happy in so long I could cry.

Everything I do is easier because of it.

Not sure if there free but Mildred’s taken a pan au chocolate. They are free.

Mildred’s grabbing me one. As if my love for her could grow anymore.

All C’s bought is a necklace yet her bag has grown. How.

Bought the biggest pack of biscuits ever for the train.

Leggings with pockets- one of the worlds gifts.

It’s all shits and giggles until someone giggles and shits.

M has sat down with her bag on and now can’t get up. It’s painful to watch.

We are going to Italy !

I’m at the end of my teather with M leather! Im not at all, she too lovely, but it rhymes.

I’m tired now and enthusiasm is a bit lower.

She charges us €17 for all our train tickets. It was wrong. Thank god as We were gonna walk if it was that much. It’s only €5 for all of us.

We’ve picked rush hour to travel. Not ideal when you are the size of about 7 humans with bags.

C just said she loved me- not off her own back. But still. Progress

Tired. literally just following M. Thankful she’s good at directions.

Keep your ticket in your hand when changing lots of trains.

Even though I thought I’d be dreadful to not plan everything, it’s actually a lot less stressful than I thought.

I don’t like busy trains. There is instructors that are helping ease the anxiety.

If it’s only two stops just stand. Scream through the train to get C back. She heard me. I’m very loud.

Miley cyrus the climb is a major mood for us getting through the Paris public transport with bags. It’s not about how fast I get there.

Train barriers very tight.

Appreciate English translations of directions in the station.

Need to stand and breathe. Gather thoughts.

We are super early. But that’s okay. Peace of mind. Train to Marseille not even up. As mil, aka Shakespeare, says better 3 hours early than 3 mins too late. Everyone should really listen to that dude.

Turns out saying ‘I want a candid photo’ while pointing a camera at someone face isn’t going to get you that.

My bags been open all this time. Class.

Sitting waiting. Realise I’m leaning on someone else’s bag. I am SO tired. But happy.

Mildred offers gum. YES. That is exactly what I need.

I offer Hand sanitizer. Also goes down a treat.

Always squeeze too damn much. C’s getting high off the smell.

Cant be arsed to take my antibiotics it’s bad. Only a couple to go. As long as i finish the course.

Mildred just showed us a purse which a mans mouth. No thank you.

Excited to sleep on the train.

Mildred and C arguing over who can post the same photo. C hit Mildred’s phone out her hand. C’s tactically shared hers first.

I’m going to post a collection of photos in each place we stop. Kind of annoyed I care about posting Instagram photos but makes me happy.

So thankful these girls as so chilled. And smart.

C is going to report Mildreds photo. “How to piss Millie off- 101”

I am laughing a lot.

Apparently nothing happens if you report the photo- C does it a lot apparent (to her sister). Again, lol.

Mildred is looking for the Paris flag. Good luck with that.

Personally don’t understand finstas. Going to annoy you all on my real account.

Need to get off my phone. Don’t know if my portable charger even works and I am in charge of the booking for the next hostel – heck.

Not sure if I’m hydrated enough.

Food is fuel. C’s in shock at the thought we might of lost the food. As am I.

I’m now worried the bag I’ve been leaning on is a bomb bag. Gonna report it- swear that’s what you are meant to do.

What if they close the whole station? Maybe I’m overthinking and it’s my anxiety. The others seem quite relaxed and they put my mind at ease.

I’m literally just staring at the bag.

We think maybe it’s a homeless persons bag as you don’t need a ticket to get in the station.

I’m going to eat another biscuit.

Not sure whether to share that bit or not, I don’t know why but I think it’s important.

Feel like I’m going to get in trouble if I don’t report it.

C makes a valid point that it could be lost property. Going to go and tell someone to put my mind at ease.

Would feel guilty if it was a bomb and I hadn’t don’t anything- even though it probably isn’t.

My thought is now the lost and found will have a scanner for their bags etc so even if it’s nothing they can do something.

C’s teaching me to be a better person. She comes with be and supports me.

I feel better I went and some. The security and now going to deal with it. Actually am feeling quite worried in case something might have happened. They speak a bit of english and we manage to explain where it is. Sad we live in a world of terror but need to be smart about it. This is maybe a perk of my anxiety. I can breathe now I’ve done that.

Security are dealing with it. I see them looking so point them to the bag. It seems it be a guys. He is arguing with the security guy. Everyone is now starting to stare a bit. The bags still next to us and unsure why they are not moving. I’m hoping it’s just his bag and all is Good. This is why I think it’s important to speak a new language and understand what they are saying.

Feel so less anxious after typing this. Like almost as if nothing will actually happen.

I feel all is going to be okay.

Going to look at the article sent to us about things to do in La Spezia.

“The waterfront”- aka the beach. A nice way of saying it though.

Cinque terre looks nice and colourful.

Parco Giardini Pubblici looks like a nice place to read.

and now we are singing.

I’m an organised mess kind of person

Wonder how my routine will change- only wearing mascara atm but doubt I’ll bother with that even by the next country to be honest.

I love Catherine and Millie

Chilling in the room is nice. Everything is nice right now.

The stone roses comes on and it reminds me of Livie and I miss her.

I like thinking in the shower.

So nice not having to rush. We are on our time. Can chill in the hostel if we want.

Millie still has one remaining wrap of the 3 she has brought with her.

“There is not a hairdryer randomly in this room is there?” Millie- “there is”- wow.

Still realise I want to chat more than others a lot of the time.

“What you guys wearing today”, “the same?”, “yeah, can’t be arsed “. Refreshing how little material stuff matters here.

If you don’t react dramatically, the person won’t respond dramatically.

I need music to feel the silence. Aka not write down these thoughts.

Getting up from a nap is hard but you got to do it to continue exploring. Let yourself be tired for a bit then get on with it. Can sleep for a day to recover at home. Can’t see the Eiffel Tower there sadly.

If you’ve lost something, really think how important it is. Material that is.

Had a sudden doubt about my blog, think it’s important for me I keep on going though. Think it’s just because I’m tired.

Glad I got my eyebrows done before coming on the trip though- I feel more human.

We are hungry and tired. But we wanna explore so going to keep going.

Sending photos as we go along. Easier. I love photos. It’s sad you can’t even rely on your memory these days so that’s why I think they are important. Can’t wait to develop my disposables, will be a delayed memory.

Want to go out in my PJs as cba changing. Catherine said ‘do it’ – come one Catherine be real.

People need not stress about what they look like it photos. It’s about the memories.

Reflection time is nice.

Waiting to get my tattoo till the end- don’t want it to get infected. Yes I am planning on doing and have been thinking about it for a while- hope this is okay family !!

You will never regret washing your hair if you think it’s Greasy. Just do it. Dry shampoo is one of consumerism’s great myths (still gonnna use it though!)

Bug repellent is minging and chocks you when you spray it in the hostel but it’s worth it. Especially if you’re me and ballon with bites. And it really lingers.

Everything is awesome – Lego movie. This song is going round our head for some reason.

Man shouted ‘le petit’ from what I here as we eat dinner by the river, further along this time. Defo not referring to me.

Beer by the river. Beautiful. Bring a bottle opener, the meal is tasting better with a beer.

I had a tuna salad that came with a starter, main and dinner. Was like violent boregards gum from willie wonka. Fully satisfied with my €5 meal.

Having conversations like “should we go to Milan” is sounding as possible as should we pop to Tesco- it’s so surreal.

Catherine’s got a good film list-we say how these tour guides on the boat could be talking shite to all these people passing us and we wouldn’t know- she says that’s what happens in Slum Dog Millionaire. Must watch.

Saw a women with a hockey stick- can’t escape tour.

Tried to show the video of whisper whisper mr pussy cat and I remeber it had a sloth and cat but google isn’t showing it- unsurprising. Really gutted I used my 4G for that.

So I said I wouldn’t talk about my feet, but sadly I’m going to have to due to my poor shoe choice. Feet a bit sore, check- massive blister forming. Alas, one of the Borris Scooters that they seem obsessed with in France stares me in the eye and I think problem solved. Easy to set up, just get an app but obviously when I scan the bar code thing this scooter is under maintenance. We go again. Different brand of scooter this time. You have to put your card details in and i don’t trust myself so we spend the rest of the evening hobbling.

So I’ve given in to being cliche. I think the 3 of us are hopeless romantics at heart, well at least I am. The Eiffel Tower does look amazing at night though.

Don’t use directions on map. Just see the route and follow that. Easier.

Don’t even know what day of the week it is.

Lots of cute couples kissing.

Stick to main roads. Safety tip. I’m not good at directions. Thank god for Catherine.

Millie knows a bit of Paris. Going with her feeling to find the metro, it’s nice.

Don’t pay people attention to who you don’t want to attract and they want annoy you.

Talking about parenting roles. Why do mums always have to be the fun police.

We saw the arc de triumph.

Catherine loves her wee chocolate bars.

Also realise how dark and meaningful a lot of Disney films are. Learnt they are based on the Grimm reaper tales.

The car parks along the champs eleysee are are not the metro station. Even though we checked every-time.

I like busy places. Paris is good for this.

Champs Eleysee is longer than you think. Mils tells us it was to make a new beginning after the war. This girl has a lot of knowledge and I love it. She’s my mini tour guide.

We say we like the look of this really clean apartment- it’s an apple shop.

Found the yellow metro line. We are not on the yellow line. We need the blue line. Looked at the map, well Millie did.

Walk past a “Quality burger restaurant” – say it as it is. Seems a bit of shame to have it on such a pretty street but I guess people like burgers.

Ballenciagas (and thick shoes in general) are not good for your feet. Either are fake birks or flip floppes. Again Millie is a fountain of knowledge.

It’s 10 to 11 and I am still in a dress still. Loving it.

Millie’s new phrase is ‘that’s quite jokes’

And she’s 50% sure this is the right line to take us home. I’m 100% sure. She’s class.

We plan on having an admin sesh in the morning. I’ve realised we actually have only planned the start of the trip.

At the metro, We can’t work the online ticket thing. Go and talk to the people who works there. I’m want to practice my french so as for 3 tickets to anvers- obviously he knew I wasn’t french but he didn’t reply back in English so I’m happy and proud. I can’t read a map or give directions but at least I’m brining chat to the group, and in more than one language !

Hadn’t really taken it all in but we are staying near Sacre Couer. Going to check out there tomorrow and the art district.

Forgotten about how sore my foot is. Happiness is a healer.

Metro map shows wow we have walked A LOT.

Train journey home. Happy faces. Sore feet. Excited to get home and pee.

The Paris metro has really nice stripes seats. Remindsme of paperchase.

A sorry and a smile is really universal in all cultures.

Catherine points out the windows are weirdly large for looking out to tunnel and the seat space could be more efficient.

€1.95 for a train ticket. Similar to the subway.

Even danger of death written on the french train tracks looks more glamorous. Just because it’s another language.

Millie has pointed out I match the seats. After a day of walking about pretty sure the seat is wearing my outfit better.

I believe in silly superstitions like ‘touch would’. I am now going to try not be superstitious. Catherine makes it sound stupid and it’s realistic which is such s good trait to have.

Im so glad Millie suggested the metro – nice to figure out a new transport system.

Millie has ‘lost’ her charger and sunglasses today- but she hasn’t actually lost them. Shock! They were in the room! All is well.

Wash your feet when you come in. It feels nice and I don’t want my blister to infect.

Fall asleep listen to french music. We are just so cultured !

We are sharing a bag of dirty pants and socks. Definitely underestimated the underwear situation. Millie’s got travel wash, we good.

Millie – tells us about an article she’s read talking about If Nigel farage cares so immigration, He should care much about climate change as along the equator it will become inhabitable and people will have to migrate north. Love these kind of chats.

Honestly ask your friends opinions on things, they will all have them.

“Have you cleaned your teeth yet” – code word for please don’t come to the bathroom I’m about to poo.

I like following asleep to people speaking/noise.